"Hearing" the Call or Vocare

I think I have done some of my Christian brothers and sisters a disservice. I have probably fibbed about prayer. I have talked about "Hearing" God, as though this voice was clear as a bell and as though I had some idea what it meant at the time. For me, God is rarely even that "still small voice" let alone bursting through the clouds proclaiming anything in a deep rumbling voice. But, I still believe God is calling me, how is that so?

A sidebar: I work as a chaplain at a college and work with a bunch of college students who sometimes get upset about ... silly things. I had a student stop by last year who was upset because his roommate was saying some awful stuff about him. It was about 11:30 at night so, to be fair, I was looking for a way to end the conversation quickly (how incredibly pastoral of me, I know). So after he informed that this roommate was drunk, I jumped in. "There's a rumor going around, and it's a lie. The lie is we are more honest when we are drunk, because we are saying things without thinking about them. Honesty doesn't work like that, honesty requires reflection, thoughtfulness, and slowing down. Anybody can yell what they're thinking, but that doesn't mean it's true." The student seemed happy with my answer and went about is way.

I share this little story because it is how prayer often works for me. Not that I get drunk and yell things at God, HA! Instead, what is happening in the moment is often indiscernible. I can feel a presence of God, or feel my heart being tugged. I can imagine myself as a priest and it brings me distinct joy. But the honesty of my calling doesn't come clear in the moment. It doesn't crystallize. Instead it requires reflection.

My spiritual director, a wonderful Dominican Sister, has me writing just a few sentences after  silent prayer. After, "Listening" to God. This is not to prove I prayed or simply as a record. Instead I do this primarily to discern what God is saying to me. So I can look over my prayer, my imagination, my encounter with scripture, and my spiritual director and I can look for patterns.

One of these patterns is a call to ministry, to share the word of God, in a word - preaching. I feel called to share my life by preaching the Word of God. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to do that. So, let's hope and pray I figure that out. But, I am excited, and that's a good sign.

Shalom,
Joe